Most writers are sensitive, creative people who find rejection letters particularly hard to handle. Advice on coping with rejection, disappointment and criticism.

Every writer experiences setbacks and rejections that hit you like a punch in the gut. But there are ways to cope when you want to give up and never write a creative word again.

Be Brave

The fact that you have written a story and dared to send it out into the world is brave and admirable, and you should congratulate yourself on managing to finish the story you started so many months or even years ago.

Believe in Yourself

This does not mean being arrogant and closed to all criticism. Nor does it mean having an unrealistic picture of your own abilities.

But it does mean that underneath the insecurities that all writers feel, lies a solid sense of your own ability to keep going until you reach the goal you have set. This ability to get up, dust yourself off and start again when you fall is what separates the real writers from the wannabes. It's as simple as that.

This Too Will Pass

Remember the old story about the most consoling and most devastating words in the world? ‘This too will pass’ is true of even this setback. If your criticism was given publicly, and you feel ashamed or embarrassed, remember the five day rule. Something only stays news for five days. Six days from now the only person still talking about it will probably be you.

Get Back in the Saddle

Let yourself feel the pain. Cry, feel sorry for yourself, go to bed for the day and sulk – give expression to your feelings. You have been hurt. If you let out the emotions you will move on emotionally. Your wound will heal and your creative urge will re-emerge.

Separate Yourself from Your Work

You are not your writing. Although it can feel like it, criticism about your writing technique is not criticism of you as a person. No matter how angry you are, don’t hit back at the person making the remarks. Rebuff the criticism if you are sure it is unfair, but character assassination and personal remarks, although they feel good at the time, don’t help in the long run, and may alienate the critic permanently.

Ask Where it is Coming From

The sister who criticises your short story may not have your best interest at heart. She may be stung by jealousy or secretly feel that you are encroaching on her territory. A well know South African poet had a book of poetry roundly condemned by a literary giant, and only found out later that he had a drinking problem and was drunk when he wrote his stinging rejection letter.

Often the bitterest and most hurtful criticism does not come from other writers or publishers, but from people whose own creative urge is stifled. Remember they are driven by jealousy and frustration, take a step back emotionally, and refuse to allow their words to hurt you.

Learn from the Criticism

When you have grieved and sulked and had a tantrum, look at the criticism again. Can you learn something from it? Is there a kernel of truth that you can use to make your writing better? There is always something new to learn.

All Writers Experience Rejection and Criticism

Today’s failures may be tomorrow’s bestseller. Richard Adams received multiple rejection letters for ‘Watership Down’ before it was picked up by a small British publisher. It went on to become one of the best selling children’s books of all time. The same might be true of you.

You can read more about the emotional ups and down of writing in When your Book Gets Criticized.