How To Build Tension: Writing for Kids
A Class in Increasing the Drama in a Creative Writing Passage
Nov 9, 2008
The following passage describing an act of bullying lacks tension. By making a few simple changes it becomes more dramatic, the characters are more strongly established and the reader is hooked.
1 “Julianne, Julianne.” Jumping out of the tree, Max landed next to Julian and took his violin case. “What’s this, Julianne? The case for your makeup?”
2 “Give it here Max.” Julian tried to pull it back. “And my name is Julian,” he added frowning.
3 Max opened the violin case. “Try and make me, girly. Did your mummy give this to you, when she gave you your girly name? Julianne! Julianne!”
4 “Give it here,” shouted Julian.
5 Max pulled the violin out of the case and held it up above Julian’s head. ‘Come and get it.” Crack! The violin splintered as Max hit it against the trunk of the tree. “Who’s a pretty girly then?”
6 “Now you’ve broken it!” Julian yelled. He tried to lunge at Max, but Max smashed his hand into his chest and he fell onto the road.
7 Max ran off down the road. Julian watched him run away. He looked at his broken violin. Picking up the pieces he put them back into the case and walked off towards his granny’s house.
Now Learn How to Increase Tension in your Writing for Children
1 “Julianne, Julianne!”
Julian jumped as Max leaped from the tree, landing next to him on the dirt road. Heart thudding, he looked around for help. No one else was in sight.
Write from the Main Character's Point of View
Writing the scene from Julian’s viewpoint is the best way to increase the tension. Showing that he is alone with no one to help him involves the reader, who relates to his situation and begins to root for him.
1 “What’s this?” sneered Max, grabbing the violin case. “Your make up bag?”
2 “Give it here!”
3 Max clicked open the latches on the case. “Try and make me girly. Did your mummy give this to you when she gave you your girly name?’
4 “My name is Julian. And give me my violin!”
5 Max ripped off the satin cloth covering the violin. “What’s this? Your panties?”
Slow Down the Action
Notice how in this version the taking out of the violin is slowed – first he clicks open the locks, then takes out the cloth, and finally the instrument. This builds up the tension, and describes the scene as Julian would experience it – worrying desperately if the bully is going to go all the way and destroy the violin. It keeps the reader rooting for Julian as they too worry that the sadistic Max is going to go too far.
5 Julian’s face was burning. He lunged at Max, trying to reach the violin in the case. But Max was too quick. He grabbed the violin roughly and held it out of reach above Max’s head. “Come and get it, girly.”
6 “Don’t! yelled Julian. “That violin’s worth a lot of money! My granny gave it to me. Please Max, just give it here.”
Add In Details
Adding in a few details here through the dialogue makes it more exciting. The reader now know something about the value and history of the violin, and begins to worry about how his Granny will react if the violin gets broken.
6 Max grinned as he looked down into Julian’s red, pleading face. Deliberately he smacked the instrument against the trunk of the oak tree until it splintered. Then he thumped Julian hard on the chest. Julian fell, winded, onto the road.
Make the Rhythm of Your Prose Reflect the Action
By making the last sentence of this paragraph short, and breaking up the word ‘winded’ with commas, it resonates with the action described. The sentence looks and sounds like a boy staggering then falling.
7 Despairing, Julian watched the bully run away. At last he got to his feet. He wrapped the shattered violin carefully in the satin cloth and placed it gently back in the case. What was his granny going to say?
Express the Main Character's Feelings
Instead of saying he is going to his granny’s house, his feelings about her reaction are expressed. The readers will work out for themselves that he is going to her house by the way the next scene progresses. But by making Julian wonder how she will react when she hears the violin is smashed you have built tension.
Every child reading who has ever been bullied or had something precious broken will be feeling anxious now, and hoping that Julian does not get into trouble.
The Tension Has Been Built By:
- Telling the story from Julian’s point of view
- Unfolding the action more deliberately
- Slowing the scene down
- Building stronger characters
Read about how to build stronger characters in this scene at How to Write Strong Characters in Fiction. You can learn more practical lessons on writing craft at Learn Ways to Show not Tell and How to Show not Tell.
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