How To Write Strong Characters in Fiction
Learn Strong Characterization to Make Your Novel Come Alive
Nov 9, 2008
Read the following passage, where opportunities to build characters are missed.
1 “Julianne, Julianne.” Jumping out of the tree, Max landed next to Julian and took his violin case. “What’s this, Julianne? The case for your makeup?”
2 “Give it here Max.” Julian tried to pull it back. “And my name is Julian,” he added frowning.
3 Max opened the violin case. “Try and make me, girly. Did your mummy give this to you, when she gave you your girly name? Julianne! Julianne!”
4 “Give it here,” shouted Julian.
5 Max pulled the violin out of the case and held it up above Julian’s head. ‘Come and get it.” Crack! The violin splintered as Max hit it against the trunk of the tree.
6 “Now you’ve broken it!” Julian yelled. He tried to lunge at Max, but Max smashed his hand into his chest and he fell onto the road.
7 Max ran off down the road. Julian watched him run away. He looked at his broken violin. Picking up the pieces he put them back into the case and walked off towards his granny’s house.
The Passage Rewritten to Create Stronger Characters
1 “Julianne, Julianne!”
Julian jumped as Max leaped from the tree, landing next to him on the dirt road. Heart thudding, he looked for help. No one else was in sight.
Writing the scene from Julian’s viewpoint gives many opportunities to show his character, as you describe how he reacts to the bully. In this case by showing how he looks around for help you have begun to construct his character as a non-aggressive child who is afraid of bullies.
“What’s this?” sneered Max, grabbing the violin case. “Your make-up bag?”
Use Strong Verbs
Using strong verbs such as ‘sneer’ and ‘grab’ builds Max’s bullying character.
2 “Give it here!”
3 Max clicked open the latches on the case. “Try and make me girly. Did your mummy give this to you when she gave you your girly name?"
4 “My name is Julian. And give me my violin!”
5 Max ripped off the satin cloth covering the violin. “What’s this? Your panties?”
Slow Down the Scene
By slowing down the scene with the violin, by showing how he first clicks open the case, then takes out the cloth, mocking Julian all the way, Max’s character is being established as sadistic – he is trying to make Julian suffer as much as possible.
5 Julian’s face was burning. He lunged at Max, trying to reach the violin in the case. But Max was too quick. He grabbed the violin roughly and held it out of reach above Max’s head. “Come and get it, girly.”
Show the Main Character's Reactions
Adding in the sentence about Julian’s face burning increases the reader’s knowledge of the kind of child he is, and how he reacts to embarrassment, teasing and victimization.
6 “Don’t! yelled Julian. “That violin’s worth a lot of money! My granny gave it to me. Please Max, just give it here.”
Adding in a few details here through the dialogue builds authenticity. It also adds in details that move the plot along.
6 Max grinned as he looked down into Julian’s red, pleading face. Deliberately he smacked the instrument against the trunk of the oak tree until it splintered. Then he thumped Julian hard on the chest. Julian fell, winded, onto the road.
There is no doubt now that Max is a bully who is enjoying tormenting a weaker child. There are also enough details in paragraph 6 for the reader to see the scene in their mind’s eye.
7 Despairing, Julian watched the bully run away. At last, he got to his feet. He wrapped the shattered violin carefully in the satin cloth and placed it gently back in the case. What was his granny going to say?
The use of adverbs here is deliberate, as it builds up a sense of his love for the violin, and contrasts with the violent behaviour of the previous paragraph. The reader knows he is a gentle boy who cares deeply about his violin.
How Was Characterization Used to Make the Scene Come Alive?
This scene has been strengthened in two ways to increase the characterization:
- By describing it as Julian would experience it, from his point of view, rather than writing an overview, which simply describes what happens.
- By slowing the scene and describing it in more detail, which gives more opportunities to show how the characters react to the events.
Read about how to increase the tension in this scene at How to Build Tension in your Writing for Kids
You can learn more practical lessons on writing craft at Learn How to Show Not Tell and Ways to Show Not Tell.
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