Learn Ways to: Show Don't Tell

A Class in Using Dialogue to Show Action and Description

Oct 29, 2008

Writers are often told 'Show Don't Tell.' This article teaches ways to achieve this through writing dialogue.

The first article in this series, Learn How to: Show Don’t Tell, taught how to use emotion to show the character’s reaction to situations. It also taught how to break up blocks of description and to show them from the character’s point of view.

This article will teach you how to draw in your reader, and to use dialogue to show rather than tell what is happening in the action.

A Passage that ‘Tells’ What is Happening

1.Max and Mick stopped in front of the closed entrance of the assembly hall. 2.The doors were as high as the roof and made from metal with a pattern of black spikes on them.

3.Mick started to feel very nervous. He was about to push the red button on the side panel that opened the doors when Max told him to stop.

4. ‘Don’t do that,’ said Max. Max pushed Mick’s hand away from the button.

7.But it was too late. The doors opened. Inside the boys saw rows of hooded figures, all staring at them.

The Passage Reworked as ‘Showing’

1.The doors to the assembly hall were shut. Max frowned as he saw the cryptic pattern of black spikes hammered into the metal.

3. “Oh boy, now we’re in for it,” muttered Mick. “What will they do to us if we’re late for the first assembly?” He reached for the button that opened the roof-high doors.

4.“Don’t do that,” hissed Max, pushing his hand away from the silver panel.

5.“Why’d you do that, stupid?” Mick frowned as he reached again for the button.

7. But it was too late. The doors swung open, and Mick’s heart sank as he saw the rows of hooded figures turn towards them.

How Exactly was the Reworking Done?

1. By replacing the first sentence with: “The door to the assembly hall was shut.”

Now the children reading the story are forced to think of what that might mean – and what the consequences will be for Max and Mick. They have to think of times they were late for assembly, and had to try and sneak in without being seen. They are emotionally involved and are being drawn into the book.

2. The description of the doors, which is clumsily written, has been incorporated into dialogue, seen from Mick’s point of view. This builds up Mick’s character as observant and cautious.

3. Mick started to feel very worried. This is pure telling. It’s been replaced with dialogue, which also then explains that this is their first assembly, and builds the background to their dilemma.

5. Mick was cross, has been replaced with dialogue where his anger is apparent. Instead of revealing that he pushed the button, it’s left unsaid, leaving the reader to speculate for a moment on whether it’s been done or not. This draws the reader in and builds tension.

7. The description of the hooded figures in the room has been livened by giving Mick’s reaction to it. By replacing staring with turn the tension has risen, as turn is a more active verb, implying movement, action and, in this case, menace.

The copyright of the article Learn Ways to: Show Don't Tell in Writing for Children is owned by Helen Brain. Permission to republish Learn Ways to: Show Don't Tell in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.