Writing Exercise in Cutting Unnecessary Action
Practice Trimming Wordy Passages in Your Creative Writing
Jan 19, 2009
In Learn to Write: How to Cut Unnecessary Words, two ways to polish creative writing were taught. This article gives exercises in practicing the first of these – cutting back overly detailed explanations of action.
There is No Need to Describe Every Moment of the Action.
Here is a passage that comes in the middle of a fast paced adventure story for 9-11 year olds. The children, James and Lizzie have had a frightening experience on the way home from school. They were trespassing in an abandoned house, and came across a criminal who chased them with a knife. They want to tell their mother about it.
Read This Badly Written Passage
“ Mom, what’s for dinner?” James looked at his mother. She was standing in the kitchen ironing a pile of his dad’s shirts.
“What about pizza? There are some frozen bases in the freezer, and we can make our own. The toppings are in the snack drawer, behind the yoghurt.”
" Wicked,” said Lizzie. “I love Pizza.” She opened the fridge and dug out the toppings. Then she found the bases in the freezer and packed everything out onto the kitchen counter.
James turned on the oven and put in a baking tray to heat up. Then he pulled up a stool and sat down at the counter.
“Mom?” he looked at his mother expectantly.
“What is it, darling?” asked his mother. She sprayed the collar of the blue shirt with water and ran the iron over it till it sizzled.
James opened the packet of salami and spread three slices onto his pizza base. Lizzie was grating mozzarella, and she passed the plate to him. James spread it carefully right to the edges of the base. “Mom, something happened to us on the way home.”
Lizzie took a cloth and wiped the counter down. The pizzas were ready for the oven. Their mother stopped ironing. She paused, holding the iron in her hand.
“What do you mean, something happened? Are you two ok?”
This Passage Lacks Tension and Mood
As you can see, the passage lacks tension. If the pizzas were an important part of the plot, so much detail about making them would be necessary.
But they only function to show the characters in a wider context, so the reader can imagine the children’ s home life. The important thing in this scene is that James and Lizzie are trying to tell a parent about their dangerous discovery.
Exercise:
Copy and Paste this passage into a new document. Now edit out all unnecessary action. Try and retain just enough to keep the reader visualising the scene in the kitchen.
You’ll find the answers in Answers to Writing Exercises - Cutting action.
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